I have been reflecting lately on the high
cost of being an academic. Obviously
there are the monetary costs associated with education -- tuition and books,
along with the normal living costs, which cannot be met because we lack 'real'
jobs. But there are other costs as
well.
The social costs: choosing the
library over the bar; choosing a solitary life over relationships; writing
papers instead of going to the movies; the inability to communicate with a
'normal' person.
The mental costs: having your ideas
and abilities repeatedly ripped apart and rejected; forever feeling as if you
are not smart enough or good enough or anything enough; the anguish over the
inability to cultivate new and revolutionary ideas.
The physical costs: the physical
manifestations of stress; the strain on your eyes from reading for hours; the
back pain from spending hours in the hard library chairs; the headaches from
frustration with the progress of your studies; poor nutrition from unhealthy
snacking instead of eating properly; sleep deprivation; the resulting
compromised immune system due to all of this.
Non-academics often muse, "Oh, it must
be nice to just sit around and study all day." And it is.
It is a wonderful opportunity and privilege to be able to study. But let's not kid ourselves. The life of an academic is no easier than the
life of someone who has a 'real' job. We
don't do this because we are too lazy to work.
We do this because this is what we are passionate about, because despite
the financial, social, mental and physical costs, this is what feeds us in a
way that nothing else can. It is not a
luxurious life; most of us do this fully aware that the academic job market is
dismal, at best.
For me personally, as a biblical studies
(wanna be) scholar, I view being an academic as a calling. I certainly would not be doing this if it was
not coming from God. I could have easily
chosen a more "practical" field which would have required far less
education and would have resulted in a more favorable job market with better
financial security. Instead, I am
struggling with the academic lifestyle, in hopes of finding a university
position, teaching undergrads who will likely resent me for either forcing them
to read the Bible in the first place or for destroying their cherished
beliefs. Thinking back to my own
reactions when I first began to study the Bible academically, as a freshman in
college, I remember how I lashed out at my professor, whom I blamed for the
faith struggles I encountered as a result of the class. Shortly before I moved out here, I had lunch
with that professor and admitted to her that I was the type of student that I
am least looking forward to teaching.
And yet, that is exactly what I am called to do, for better or worse.
And so, despite the high costs, despite the
mental anguish, despite the compromises to my physical well-being, despite the perpetual
life as a ‘poor college student,’ despite complete lack of a social life,
despite my total inability to engage in normal social interactions, despite it
all, I am willing to pay the price, because this is who I am, this is what I
love, this is what God has called me to do.
God help me!
